Finding/leaving home

Where do you find home? Where does home find you?

Laying on a bed of moss, feeling small under the surrounding trees, these words called to me. Song has always been a guiding force in my life, and right now I’m holding this one close. Two simple questions, repeated over and over.

Where do you find home? Where does home find you?

I am grateful to call this place home. I feel the hug of cedars and douglas firs shaping the space through which I move. Ferns reach out to my hand as a friend. Lichens remind me that we are made of relationships. Ocean mother holds my tears, my grief, my joy, and my love. This energy flows through her current and opens space for me to just be.

I got a glimpse of fall before my departure. The changing leaves help cue my internal transition, preparing me to let go.

Where do you find home? Where does home find you?

I have found home in song and dance, and home has been finding me in the magic of circus. These places have shown me lessons of boundaries, bodies, and beauty in being unapologetically alive.

My friends have become family. I am so glad to have found people who see me and teach me more about love and care everyday. Each goodbye is harder, adding to the longing for more time.

I am grateful that leaving this place hurts. I have soaked in every moment, leaning into the pull of my heart, but it’s time to let go for now. I will not be completely untethered, part of me still lives in this place, and I know I will come back home again. There is still another part of me grasping on tight to that tether, trying to pull the rope of time and keep me here to let the what ifs be answered. But even though I long for more time, I know that I made this choice for a reason, and I know it is the right time for me to leave. I knew this would be hard, that there would be grief in missing all the moments I would have if I stayed. But there is some deep knowing I feel, that this is the path I must take. Where will this take me?

Where do you find home? Where does home find you?

Home can be found in many places, many people. There are many homes opening their doors to take me in along my journey. Where will I find home next?

I keep getting asked if I am excited, but it is hard to tap into my excitement right now. I know it is there, but it is dimmed by the weight of leaving. Hope is still there, though. I have hope for all that I may find. Hope that this path is taking me to exactly where I need to be. Hope for new friendship and new growth.

Where do you find hope? Where does hope find you?

In the last dance in this chapter of my life, I surrendered my whole self to the moment. I gave you the ability to move me, and I offered you a new way to move. Impermanence asked me to just be.

Goodbye Bellingham, and goodbye to all the people and places that have filled my time here with such richness. Thank you for showing me so much magic. Thank you for giving me a home.

Until we meet again,

Syd

From the Cosma Visions oracle deck