Goodbyes and the ever-present constant of change//Jumping into uncertainty

It's hard to sit down and write when it all feels so big. It’s easier to fill my days and let time pass by, trying to soak up each moment left here with the people I love. I know I will still find my home here again when I return, but there's so much change I can't anticipate. Friends may move away, and what will this year change in me? It’s hard to let go and jump into the unknown. The more time I spend in Bellingham, the more spaces I cozy into, and the more people radiate light that uncovers buried parts of myself to make way for new growth. I know I can find meaningful connections anywhere I go, I’ve done it thus far, but it’s never been easy at first. It always takes time to settle into a new place, to push past my walls of shyness, and to find the right people for me to feel at home. 

I know what it's like to feel alone. I’ve spent time navigating through the chaos of crashing water, sinking deep, and eventually learning how to rise to the surface, take a deep breath, and flow with the waves. It's not always easy to ask for help, or to allow myself to be witnessed, but having a supportive community has shown me the importance of these acts of trust. I’ve found trust in my ability to guide myself forward on this crazy journey of life, but taking this jump into uncertainty is a whole new kind of trustfall. 

view of the nooksack river at a campsite up baker hwy

I have traveled before, so this drastic change of environment is not entirely new, but I have never traveled alone, for this long, or to Latin America. The next ten months of my life (october-august) will be spent primarily in Peru and Bolivia, a reality that is ever becoming more present. I have been preparing for a long time, both mentally and logistically, but it’s hard to make something so big real. This whole trip was just an idea I put on paper, and now it’s becoming my life. Each day I am saying new goodbyes, and the time until I leave is fading fast. Excitement and fear builds, uncertainty is the boat I must step into. I will face my fears, as they are just limits to the fullness in which I can experience life. I will keep myself safe, discerning real danger from the edges of where I find comfort. I am reminded of trust: in my intuition, my autonomy, my relation to the world, and the journey I am on. Trust that the people I am saying goodbye to now will not forget me. Trust that the love that exists between us will transcend the barriers of distance and time. Trust in the cycles of death and rebirth that continue to forge my evolution. 

If you are here reading my inner wanderings, hello! It is slightly terrifying to publish my thoughts and feelings in this way, but it seems like a good practice of letting myself be witnessed. I am excited to see some of you leave comments now and again as a way of staying in touch and joining me on this crazy adventure from afar. 

I will leave you with a question, to ponder on your own and/or share below if you are willing:

What are the ways you navigate uncertainty and change in your life? 

With so much love and gratitude,

Syd